Three Rules Only Great Mentors Follow
Recently, I came across a book called Mentoring Manual, which is a step by step guide to being a better mentor. Based on some insights from the book, as well as my observations of mentoring at INCLT VMS, I am happy to share the following three principles that distinguish Great Mentors:
Put mentees first. Put interests of mentees ahead of your own needs as a mentor.
Be unassuming. Remain interested but not invested in what the mentee decides to do or not to do.
Stay relaxed. Don't measure your own effectiveness as a mentor in terms of mentee success.
Putting Mentees First
At Innovate Charlotte VMS we once had a startup founder who was excited about the pipeline of new deals she was building, while her mentors were concerned that clients had not been signing any contracts, and there was no process in place for the business to actually get paid.
Presented with a case like this, Good Mentors tell the mentee about the blindspots in her model. They encourage her to draft contracts, send invoices and focus on getting paid. Essentially, they tell the mentee what to do.
Great Mentors approach the same situation differently. They use the challenge of building up the pipeline to link back to business needs and goals. At the end of the day, what is the purpose of the pipeline if not to generate revenue. They discuss specific issues of building the pipeline in light of how these efforts will generate revenue. This way they can help the founder think through the whole process and identify the gaps in her thinking, without telling her what to do.
Being Unassuming
Good Mentors sometimes get irritated by the lack of progress. They assume the mentee is not fully committed to progress and that something is “wrong” if the agreed upon milestones are not being met.
Great Mentors remain interested but not invested in what the mentee is doing or not doing outside of the sessions. If the mentee complains about the lack of progress, they will discuss the issue. Normally, meeting milestones is going to be discussed at a scheduled check-in point.
Staying Relaxed
Good Mentors believe that there is a direct link between their own effectiveness as a mentor and the success of their mentee. They want to make sure that the mentee makes changes to their behavior based on the advice they provided.
Great Mentors take a broad and long-term view of the progress that their mentee makes. They notice improvements and better awareness from the mentee. If there is a setback, Great Mentors consider it a chance to pause and refocus. Great Mentors are relaxed about what is happening outside of sessions. They are interested yet accepting of the choices their mentee makes, which allows them to be constructive and resourceful.
Mentoring Manual calls mentoring “a collaboration between mentees, mentors, and ‘real life’". The mentee and their ongoing circumstances are beyond the ability of mentors to know fully or predict with certainty. Great Mentors know how to embrace the unexpected and make the most of every situation to help the mentee grow.
